Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes?

I'm going to make this blog sweet and to the point. The last month has happened in a few stages.

1) I was excited to go to college.

2) The days got closer and I was terrified.

3) I became confused and readjusted to being on my own and the atmosphere.

4) I love college too much, if that is possible. I even joined a sorority even though I said I never would. ALPHA XI DELTA, baby! I love my sisters!!

While I love the independence, friends, activities, and the food on most days. I miss my family and friends back at home. I feel like I've lost contact with all of them and they feel the same way but just don't care. I feel like they've moved on and I've been replaced. Let me tell you, it's the worst feeling in the world and I just don't know what to do about it.

So, that's pretty much my issue at the moment.

Oh, and I despise my art classes! :).

Fallen

FIRST COLLEGE PAPER!!!

Prompt: "In literature and other popular arts there are two general approaches to what the main purpose of art is. Some people feel that art's sole purpose is to illuminate life. In other words, they feel that art is supposed to allow the readers, viewers, and listeners to examine their own lives because of what they learned or received from experiencing the art. Other people feel that art is like a mirror that it shows or reflects to the readers, viewers, and listeners something about their condition because it reminds them of something specific from their lives. One could argue that these two approaches to art are very similar because they aim at the same thing - the viewer should leave the experience with a new understanding of themselves from what they have just witnessed.

Art has many forms. Film, music, paintings, television, poetry, theatre, comedy, and books are all examples of art. For this assignment I want you to pick your favorite piece of art and discuss it in the terms I presented above. Your main goal is to determine what side of the arguement you feel you support. You may discuss your favorite film, song, book, and so forth. You should not take a general approach to this. For example, you should not discuss just music; you should discuss one specific song by a particular musician and directly tell the reader if it illuminates or mirrors your life and why. You will need to tell the reader why it is your favorite film, song, or book and you should refer to the art directly so that the reader understands why it is important to you."

Fallen

            If I look around my surroundings wherever I am, it is very likely that I will observe some form of art work. Art has a wide range including but not limited to: music, paintings, books, poetry, comedy, television, dance, clothing, film, and my favorite, photography. While I love music and I will listen to anything, my passion is photography. I strongly  agree with the statement, “Art is like a mirror and that it shows or reflects to the readers, viewers, or listeners something about their condition because it reminds them of something specific from their lives” because they have a personal connection with the art work that affects them.

            One of my favorite pictures that I have taken, which will be referred to as "Fallen" has many aspects to it that I face everyday. "Fallen" is of a tree that fell down for whatever reason that I am not aware of. I believe that I am just like the tree. I have had many trials in my life which have tested my strength greatly. I lost both of my parents by the age of 14 and I was at my weakest and very fragile. I was depressed and I just had a hatred for the world. This probably continued for two years until I met my best friend who completely changed my life. She has always been there for me, strong or weak. During this trying time, I truly found God. He showed me where to find the part of myself that I had lost. I have gone to the same little church with less than 100 people for three years and they are everything to me. My faith taught me not to give up so easily and that things could always be worse. There is always hope. A support system is much like the roots that keep the tree standing strong. Being able to lean on your friends and family whenever you need it the most and knowing that they will always be there to catch you is possibly one of the most important things in life.  Even though this tree is physically incapable of getting back up on its own, it does not end with being down and out. Sometimes I will just have a bad day and no one, including myself, may know why. Just like the tree, it remains a mystery. But tomorrow is a new day with a new beginning.

            So many amazing things can branch off of just one thing. There are many branches coming from the trunk, each branch being unique and having its own shape and structure. This just goes to show that one human can have many unique things that we excel at, we are not limited to just one. This can also apply to personality. I am shy around certain people but the most outgoing person around others. As I have continued to grow, I have come to find that I am like the branch. They each have their own individual direction that is already predetermined for them and they have no control over. I like to think that I am pursuing my gift that was placed in my life as a photographer and that I am using my gift to my full potential.

            Although, the tree has fallen and is no longer living, it still has many purposes. The tree could be used as firewood, to make paper or pencils, furniture, a shelter for living organisms, weapons, sculptures, and many other things. The tree may not be standing so I can see it but I know it will be used for better things. Once my time is finished here on earth and you can't see me, I can only hope that I will still be remembered for my lifetime accomplishments and the lives that I touched. Better things will await my arrival in heaven when I am with my parents once again.

            To sum up briefly, just one piece of art work can be taken in a multitude of different ways depending on what you have been through and how much you can relate to what you see. I really took the time to break down the different parts of the tree and saw the true beauty within it. As a tree grows older, the trunk becomes stronger and the same happened to me. I have gained the knowledge to learn from my mistakes and grow wiser.



I know what you're going through?

Hello Blogger! It's been too long! I've been meaning to write a blog about YSU and my classes and how I feel that they're changing me but I'm going to save that for another day. Right now, I need to vent a little about my day.

Last night, I had a dream about my mom. No, I don't even remember what it was about. I just remember waking up in the middle of the night severly pissed off that I didn't have my mom. It didn't make sense. Why isn't she with me? It just isn't fair. I used to hate saying that but I'm coming to believe it again. I don't understand why girls have such great relationships with their moms and I don't have mine? Or girls can't stand their moms and don't want anything to do with them? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What the heck is your problem? That's just a huge pet peeve.

So, like I said, I woke up in a bad mood. I posted on Facebook how I was feeling - big mistake. I love my friends and family dearly, I do. But sometimes, I just get tired of hearing the same thing. I've heard it for the past ten years. "Your parents are so proud of you. They're smiling down on you. You're so strong. You're heading in the right direction." While I agree with them and I'm so blessed to have an amazing support system, I just wonder...what if I didn't go to school? Would you still be proud? What if I continued to self-injure? Would you still think I was strong?

Related to my parents, I haven't heard this. But with other problems of mine, I have. And I hate it. "I know what you're going through, I understand." NO. You don't. You don't know what a person is going through. Sure, you've been in the same circumstance but you don't know all of the details to know how that person is feeling.

Whew. I feel like I was really harsh. I don't know who all will read this, if anyone will at that. This wasn't mean to hurt any feelings. Just some thoughts that I couldn't express anywhere else.

After having my mom on my mind ALL day, I ended my night by going to Pittsburgh with ladies from my church. An amazing group of people. I love them all so dearly, they're awesome!! We went to the Consol Energy Center to see Joel Osteen. He was incredible. I've seen him on television but I've never actually watched him. I regret that so much! I will definitely be watching him on Sunday mornings from now on. He had me in tears when he was talking about his father passing away and then he shared a touching story of 9/11 that just sent chills up and down my spine. He really said what I needed to hear. And I thank God for that.

With this, I will just keep on keeping my faith and hope that things continue to brighten up!!

Overflow

OHMYGOSH! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

I was going through all of my old ringtones and I stumbled across "Cry on my Shoulder" by Overflow. I immediatly thought "I haven't heard this song in well over a year!!!! WHY?!?!?!" Sorry, I'm just really happy about this. So, I went into my iTunes and it wasn't in there. Guess who just illegally downloaded a Christian Worship song. (Should I post this on my blog? *Whispers* I could go to jail!)

Anyways...this song helped me through one of the hardest times in my life and I just want to thank my best friend for introducing me to it! Girl, you rock!!! ♥



TWLOHA

This is just a mini rant but I feel that it needs to be said. It involves the two following things: Hot Topic and TWLOHA.

I remember back in the day or like three years ago when Hot Topic was a cool place to shop. I could easily find tons of shirts from my favorite bands, like "The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus" or "Boys Like Girls"...whoever. Now whenever I walk in, all you see is "Wiz Khalifa" and "Lil' Wayne." Let's not forget, Justin Bieber. Now, don't get me wrong here, I love Wiz, he's from Pittsburgh but I hate how Hot Topic has conformed and went mainstream. It's just not a cool place to shop anymore.

I won't lie about this anymore. I suffered from self-injury, suicidial thoughts and depression. But that's not what this blog is about and quite frankly if I went into detail, you'd be reading for awhile. Back to my first thought, ever since then, I've supported TWLOHA to the fullest. I think that it's a great organization and what they stand for is amazing. I have one shirt and two bracelets but I've been trying to get more. The last two trips that I've made into Hot Topic, they didn't have any TWLOHA shirts. I honestly don't think it's because they were "sold out", I just think that they weren't a top seller or a "hot item" so they aren't carrying them in-stores. Crap. Total crap. If this is the case and I could be wrong but they need to stop focusing on all of this mainstream crap and focus on what's important here. LOVE. CHANGE. POSSIBILITIES. LIFE.

That's all. Oh, and don't forget: Love is the movement. :).

(I just thought you should know that this picture is from 2009!)

Revolution

My best friend Mikael and I have been going to a Youth Group in Lowellville, Ohio called "Revolution." I love the people there dearly, they're so sweet. :). The facility is beyond incredible and they have a fantastic youth program. Their worship band starts things off and that's always fun! Allison is the lead singer and everytime she performs, it moves me. Her passion is just indescribable. I love it!

Tonight instead of Pastor Ortiz giving the sermon, Senior Chris Poullas did! I loved every word he said but it really got me thinking. I've been too caught up in my summer that I've failed to put God first. That has got to change. That isn't who I am or who I want to be. Faith comes first. I need to set time aside to be alone in my thoughts and prayers with God. Nothing else. No distractions. Just us. And I'm going to do just that. But prayer isn't the only thing that I'm going to change. I'm going to be less judgemental and more caring. I want to make a change for not just my life but for those around me. I want to be that change.

So, like Allison told me, "My heart is to see everyone get closer to God and I think worship is the fastest way to Him!" Which leaves me with these two words: Hawk Nelson.

Shaken

"These hands are dedicated to change."

"Lord use me, take me where You want me to go."

From Underneath

"I'm reaching out to take my Father's hand."

Friend Like That

I'm dedicating this to all of my friends! I love you guys. :). You're always there for me when I need you and I hope that I can return the love. Thanks for everything! ♥

MHS

High school is over.

Today I went to school so excited and now all I want to do is cry.

:'(

I'm scared to move on and leave all of my friends and teachers behind.

Senior Prom ♥

Last Friday (5/20) was my Senior Prom. I got out of school at 11:00 and went immediatly to get my hair done. After that, came my nails. I was very talkative to the ladies in the salon and I met some very nice people. I actually saw the one later on at Cascade when we took pictures. After the hair and nails, I went home to do my eyebrows and make-up. And after all day of waiting, I put on my cinderella dress and waited for my prince charming to arrive at my door.

Mikael picked me up at 4:00 and we headed to my friend's house so her parents could see us. Then we were off to Cascade Park in New Castle. I'll post pictures at the end. :).

We arrived at the Scottish Rite Cathedral a little before six. We were the first couple there for Promenade. After an hour or so of waiting, Mikael and I put all of our nerves behind us and walked across that stage like we were the hottest couple in Hollywood.

The dance was fun, they always are. My only two complaints: 1) The food was awful and 2) The DJ sucked. He played mostly rap with two slow songs. And there were no current music. I thought for sure that songs such as "Yeah x3" by Chris Brown and "Dance Till The World Ends" by Britney Spears would be played. Yeah, no. Oh well. He did end the night with playing our senior song, "If Today Was Your Last Day" by Nickelback. Our Prom King, Ed Heasley put his scepter into the air and we all gather in a circle and put our hands in the air. That is one moment I won't forget♥.

Mikael and I at Promenade.

My favorite.

 Just Dance.

Mikael and I with Tonya and Jimmy.

Mikael and I with his parents.

♥ Promenade ♥ 

Lori Ann Booher

Just a quick forewarning, this blog will most likely make you cry. So, grab a box of tissues. In my Psychology class, we're working on a final project that we've been asked to write different articles about ourselves each day. Today, the assigned article was about who we admired the most. I just really loved what I wrote, it's lengthy but it really is good. Have a read and let me know what you think.

Lori Ann Booher

 If you and I aren't really good friends, then you probably have no idea about what I've been through. I'm not trying to say I'm proud of this, because no one would want to be proud of such a thing. But I've been through so much, I've lost more at my age that many people would understand and you probably take for granted everyday.

When I was nine years old, my father passed away. I had always lived with my mother, and after the death of my father, I continued to do so. Her and I only grew strong, but as our relationship grew strong, she grew weaker.

I have an older brother, Matthew. We're about eight years apart. When my mom first got pregnant with my brother and went into labor, her kidneys started to shut down. They no longer worked and my mom got put on dialysis and on a waiting list for a kidney. She eventually received that transplant and was soon healthy again. Her doctors told her that it was safe to have children again. And that is when I came along, but little did her doctors know that her kidneys were going to fail again. After receiving a second transplant, it failed, also. This left my mom on dialysis for a little over 19 years.

The two transplants were just the begging of medical problems for my mom. Throughout her lifetime, she also had three heart attacks, two strokes, a grand Mal Seizure, and had a brain aneurysm burst. Along with that, her hip and foot bones were deteriorating which made it hard for her to walk and stand for longer than five minutes or so at a time.

Because my mom was on dialysis, she had to have treatments five times a day, which left me to take care of her most of the time. I felt like I didn't have the full childhood that I should've because I had to mature faster than everyone else, but at the same time my mom did everything she could to make sure I had and did everything that I needed.

Even though my mom was ill, she would always put my brother and I first and looking back, I wish that wasn't the case. I would relive my childhood again and make sure that I did everything she asked me to do because sometimes I feel that I grew tired and wouldn't do everything that I was asked.

Overall, I admire my mom because I honestly can't say that I've known anyone who was strong that her or that would fight as much as she did. She was constantly going to doctors appointments and in and out of the hospital but she had so much faith she just kept going and going. I loved that about her. Whenever I got called out of class on November 10, 2006 and saw my principle waiting for me, I automatically knew that something terrible had happened to my mom. I didn't want to believe it. I knew it was true. I held back the tear but I knew what was coming. I was taken to the chapel inside of the school only to find a small group of my family and Priest waiting in a circle for me. That was by far the worst day of my life and nothing will ever change that.

Because of the death of my parents, I have become a stronger individual because of this and love both of my parents, especially my mom for everything she taught me. Thank you for giving my the best fourteen years of my life. I love you.

Isabelle Christenson

I really don't want use a cliché when I say that I got a phone call that changed my life. But I did. And I will. This past Friday, I received a phone call from "Isabelle Christenson Memorial Scholarship" and I was told that I had won. A few months ago, I grabbed a handful of scholarships because I was being nagged on to fill them out. I never thought I would actually receive one and now look at me, I've been honored with receiving $1,000 to help further my education!!!

GOD IS GOOD!

I'll be totally honest with you, when I heard the message, I starting bawling and jumping up and down, much like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert. This has given me hope and Izzie, I thank you for that. I'll help carry on your memory. Thank you.

I will evenutally meet with Izzie's parents so they can present me with the scholarship, and I couldn't be more excited. They seem like wonderful people and I'm so blessed to be a part of this experience.

You can learn more about Izzie at the following places:
Official Website: http://www.izziesgifts.org/index.html
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IzziesGiftsofhopefoundation

For the remainder of the blog, I'm just going to display the essay that I submitted.

How To Save A Life

Transplants have played a significant role in my life. I personally have never needed nor received a transplant, but my mother’s life was saved twice from kidney transplants. She had suffered with Renal Failure for about twenty years.

Just like Isabelle, my mom, Lori Booher, was a fighter. She never gave up. She was first diagnosed with Renal Failure when she had my brother, Matthew. She ended up having her first transplant around that time. Her doctors evenutally told her that it was safe to have another child, which was me. But the doctors were wrong because her new kidney failed again. And ever since then, she was on dialysis.

My mom had been through a lot, she suffered from three heart attacks, two strokes, one grand mal seizure, and had a brain aneurysm burst. My father passed away when I was nine, so my mother was all I had. The Lord took her to His house when I was fourteen. I am now eighteen and looking back and reflecting upon my mothers life, if it was not for those two kidney transplants, I would have never known my mother at all.

I spent fourteen years with my mother but during all of those years, she was sick. If I could change anything, I would love for my mom to have lived a happy healthy life. She could not go to alot of places, being in the house most of the time. The bones in her hips and feet were deteriating so it was painful for her to walk and get around. I did not get to spend alot of time with my friends to go places and to do things because I had to be there to take care of my mom whenever she needed to do dialysis. My mom needed my help with cooking, cleaning, and other various daily activities. Even though she struggled daily, she had faith. She fought everyday and stayed strong for her two children.

I know how fortunate my mom was to receive two transplants and having been through this, I have decided to be an organ donor and I would not have it any other way. One day I aspire to inform people just how crucial donating what they can not use once they're gone is. It changes lives. It changes people. We can make a difference.

Reaching For The Stars

I currently attend Mohawk Jr/Sr High School. I will graduate on June 7, 2011 and after that, it's the real world. I plan on attending Youngstown State University to study in their Art Studio Program. I have the intentions of majoring in Photography to work in a Photography Studio with the hopes of maybe one day owning my own studio.

I've been interested in Photography for just about two years now. I never had an eye for photography until one day I was just outside and took a few pictures of the trees and grass and my best friend told me that I was really good and maybe I should start taking more pictures. It just so happens that I did start doing that and I now have over 200 pictures that I have on the internet and many people have told me how much they love and admire my work. I have friends used my work to decorate their bedrooms. I am honored, to say the least.

I have family who owns a photography studio in New Castle, PA (Clark's Studio) and I've job shadowed with them before and I just love the atmosphere. It makes me so happy! I would like to get a part time job there for the summer so I can get a better feel for everything before starting school in the fall.

Isabelle Christenson

R.I.P.

Final?!

So, I studied my butt off for my Psychology Final on Tuesday and the results are back.

80%

Not what I was expecting but I haven't done that well on a test in there in awhile. So, I'm not going to complain. :D.

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother's Day.

I love you.

I miss you.

As each day passes, I grow stronger and wiser.

But I also miss you more and more.

I know you're looking down on me & I know you like what you see.

Forever, you'll be in my heart.

12.29.1963

11.10.2006

Love your favorite child,

Jerrilyn.

XOXO

I'm tired...

...of feeling like I have to walk around on eggshells.

:(.

The List

Just to warn you ahead of time, this is going to be a mini-rant about a girl in my senior class. So, if you're interested just keep reading. :).

Well, there's this girl in my grade, and I'll just call her EV. She's on the Yearbook Staff but isn't "in charge" although she thinks she is. EV needs pictures for the Yearbook and arranged for all of the seniors to go over to the Elementary School playground for RECESS! Exciting, right? We haven't played on the playground together in six years. But guess what?! EV had a way of ruining it. She has all of the seniors going down in two groups. Group 1 consists of EV and all of her friends/people she likes and Group 2 would have everyone else, the people she hates or think that they're dirty.

I bet you can guess what group I'm in.

Group 2

I'm mad.

I'm hurt.

I'm confused. 

How can someone be so cruel to do that to her fellow classmates? To judge us like that? For someone to hate me when I've never even talked to her a day in my life. And, trust me...I'm not "dirty." I shower daily, thank you. :).

I don't want to be a tattletale and go to the principle and only cause drama. I do believe that someone has stepped up and went to the administration and mentioned how she separated everyone but they're still planning for recess.

Maybe I'm being dramatic and overreacting? I just wanted put this out there. What're your thoughts?

Rumours?

If you're a "Glee" fan, I'm going to be totally honest with you. I thought for sure that the show was going downhill, especially over the last two weeks, with "A Night of Neglect" and "Born This Way". Well, that all changed tonight with "Rumours."

To sum it up and to get my point across, Sam Evans (played by Chord Overstreet), and his two younger siblings have to sell all of their belongings and move into a motel because their father lost his new job. He didn't want anyone in the Glee Club to know their situation but Kurt and Quinn found out and were secretly going there to help a friend in need. Because Rachel and Finn were spying, this caused rumours to stir up around the school that Quinn was cheating on Finn and that Sam and Kurt were now a couple. RUMOURS.

Once Sam got so upset that he blurted out the truth infront of his classmates, Finn and Rachel felt bad about pushing him to that point that they buy back his guitar that he had to sell and surprised him with it!

I cried. I haven't cried watching Glee in awhile. I know that I have friends that would do what Finn and Rachel did. I just wish that more people were able to do that. Their selflessness is moving and I encourage you all to try and do something for someone that you normally wouldn't try to help. Myself included will take this challenge! Good luck! Let's change the world, one act of random kindness at a time!

What Faith Can Do...

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that YOU can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

♥

I'm slowly learning to believe in yourself...no matter what.

The Best Time of My Life?

It's my senior year and I'm supposed to be excited. And I am. A little. I could be happier but I just don't know how. I've been at my high school for four years, I'm perfectly comfortable where I am and who I'm with. In less than twenty days, that is all going to change.

It seems like everything is being all thrown together. I have Prom coming up in nineteen days. I need to go tanning, get my dress tailored, make a hair and nail appointment, and manage to lose about five pounds. And that's just Prom. Not to mention everything I have to do for finals. I have a final test AND project in two of my biggest classes: Government and Psychology! I'm really looking forward to it. Oh, and I forgot to mention the school newspaper that I have articles to write and pages to layout and edit.

This is how my last week of school is going to go:

• June 1 and 2 - Cedar Point Trip
• June 3 - Commencement Practive
• June 4 - Senior Breakfast
• June 6 - Senior Award Assembly
• June 7 - Commencement (Make sure you come!)

I thought I would never be a senior and now that it's here, I wish it never came. It's a very bittersweet time in my life and I'm not sure I know how to handle it.

College doesn't seem like it'll be any better. I was going to share a dorm with three different people at three different times and for various reasons, it didn't work out in the end. So, I was kinda stuck without a roommate until my friend Jessica from YSU said she had a friend, Brittany who was looking for a roommate. I'm trusting her judgement that Brittany and I will get along, but what if we don't? I'm having trouble letting go of my family and the fact that for the first time in my life, I'll be on my own.

I'm just in the beginning stages of my Photography career. I have approximately 225 images accumulated. Most of which, I'm very fond of. I have these photos posted on my facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1661138692) and I've got some very positive feedback that I am blessed with. Because of this, I've already been the Photographer for my Aunt Monica's wedding. I've been asked to do a wedding this summer where I would have to fly out to California and one sometime in 2012. I also agreed to take my friend's senior pictures. I just don't know if I'm capable of handling all of these things, know that they are a huge part of these people's lives and that makes me beyond nervous.

I guess most of these things are beyond my control. I just need to live day by day and keep my faith in God because I know He doesn't give us things we can't handle, it just doesn't seem like it at the time.

This is my first official blog so I apologize if it isn't great. In time, they will get better, I hope. Thanks for reading! :).