Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes?

I'm going to make this blog sweet and to the point. The last month has happened in a few stages.
1) I was excited to go to college.
2) The days got closer and I was terrified.
3) I became confused and readjusted to being on my own and the atmosphere.
4) I love college too much, if that is possible. I even joined a sorority even though I said I never would. ALPHA XI DELTA, baby! I love my sisters!!

While I love the independence, friends, activities, and the food on most days. I miss my family and friends back at home. I feel like I've lost contact with all of them and they feel the same way but just don't care. I feel like they've moved on and I've been replaced. Let me tell you, it's the worst feeling in the world and I just don't know what to do about it.

So, that's pretty much my issue at the moment.
Oh, and I despise my art classes! :).

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Fallen

FIRST COLLEGE PAPER!!!

Prompt: "In literature and other popular arts there are two general approaches to what the main purpose of art is. Some people feel that art's sole purpose is to illuminate life. In other words, they feel that art is supposed to allow the readers, viewers, and listeners to examine their own lives because of what they learned or received from experiencing the art. Other people feel that art is like a mirror that it shows or reflects to the readers, viewers, and listeners something about their condition because it reminds them of something specific from their lives. One could argue that these two approaches to art are very similar because they aim at the same thing - the viewer should leave the experience with a new understanding of themselves from what they have just witnessed.

Art has many forms. Film, music, paintings, television, poetry, theatre, comedy, and books are all examples of art. For this assignment I want you to pick your favorite piece of art and discuss it in the terms I presented above. Your main goal is to determine what side of the arguement you feel you support. You may discuss your favorite film, song, book, and so forth. You should not take a general approach to this. For example, you should not discuss just music; you should discuss one specific song by a particular musician and directly tell the reader if it illuminates or mirrors your life and why. You will need to tell the reader why it is your favorite film, song, or book and you should refer to the art directly so that the reader understands why it is important to you."

Fallen


            If I look around my surroundings wherever I am, it is very likely that I will observe some form of art work. Art has a wide range including but not limited to: music, paintings, books, poetry, comedy, television, dance, clothing, film, and my favorite, photography. While I love music and I will listen to anything, my passion is photography. I strongly  agree with the statement, “Art is like a mirror and that it shows or reflects to the readers, viewers, or listeners something about their condition because it reminds them of something specific from their lives” because they have a personal connection with the art work that affects them.
            One of my favorite pictures that I have taken, which will be referred to as "Fallen" has many aspects to it that I face everyday. "Fallen" is of a tree that fell down for whatever reason that I am not aware of. I believe that I am just like the tree. I have had many trials in my life which have tested my strength greatly. I lost both of my parents by the age of 14 and I was at my weakest and very fragile. I was depressed and I just had a hatred for the world. This probably continued for two years until I met my best friend who completely changed my life. She has always been there for me, strong or weak. During this trying time, I truly found God. He showed me where to find the part of myself that I had lost. I have gone to the same little church with less than 100 people for three years and they are everything to me. My faith taught me not to give up so easily and that things could always be worse. There is always hope. A support system is much like the roots that keep the tree standing strong. Being able to lean on your friends and family whenever you need it the most and knowing that they will always be there to catch you is possibly one of the most important things in life.  Even though this tree is physically incapable of getting back up on its own, it does not end with being down and out. Sometimes I will just have a bad day and no one, including myself, may know why. Just like the tree, it remains a mystery. But tomorrow is a new day with a new beginning.
            So many amazing things can branch off of just one thing. There are many branches coming from the trunk, each branch being unique and having its own shape and structure. This just goes to show that one human can have many unique things that we excel at, we are not limited to just one. This can also apply to personality. I am shy around certain people but the most outgoing person around others. As I have continued to grow, I have come to find that I am like the branch. They each have their own individual direction that is already predetermined for them and they have no control over. I like to think that I am pursuing my gift that was placed in my life as a photographer and that I am using my gift to my full potential.
            Although, the tree has fallen and is no longer living, it still has many purposes. The tree could be used as firewood, to make paper or pencils, furniture, a shelter for living organisms, weapons, sculptures, and many other things. The tree may not be standing so I can see it but I know it will be used for better things. Once my time is finished here on earth and you can't see me, I can only hope that I will still be remembered for my lifetime accomplishments and the lives that I touched. Better things will await my arrival in heaven when I am with my parents once again.
            To sum up briefly, just one piece of art work can be taken in a multitude of different ways depending on what you have been through and how much you can relate to what you see. I really took the time to break down the different parts of the tree and saw the true beauty within it. As a tree grows older, the trunk becomes stronger and the same happened to me. I have gained the knowledge to learn from my mistakes and grow wiser.


Friday, September 9, 2011

I know what you're going through?

Hello Blogger! It's been too long! I've been meaning to write a blog about YSU and my classes and how I feel that they're changing me but I'm going to save that for another day. Right now, I need to vent a little about my day.

Last night, I had a dream about my mom. No, I don't even remember what it was about. I just remember waking up in the middle of the night severly pissed off that I didn't have my mom. It didn't make sense. Why isn't she with me? It just isn't fair. I used to hate saying that but I'm coming to believe it again. I don't understand why girls have such great relationships with their moms and I don't have mine? Or girls can't stand their moms and don't want anything to do with them? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What the heck is your problem? That's just a huge pet peeve.

So, like I said, I woke up in a bad mood. I posted on Facebook how I was feeling - big mistake. I love my friends and family dearly, I do. But sometimes, I just get tired of hearing the same thing. I've heard it for the past ten years. "Your parents are so proud of you. They're smiling down on you. You're so strong. You're heading in the right direction." While I agree with them and I'm so blessed to have an amazing support system, I just wonder...what if I didn't go to school? Would you still be proud? What if I continued to self-injure? Would you still think I was strong?

Related to my parents, I haven't heard this. But with other problems of mine, I have. And I hate it. "I know what you're going through, I understand." NO. You don't. You don't know what a person is going through. Sure, you've been in the same circumstance but you don't know all of the details to know how that person is feeling.

Whew. I feel like I was really harsh. I don't know who all will read this, if anyone will at that. This wasn't mean to hurt any feelings. Just some thoughts that I couldn't express anywhere else.

After having my mom on my mind ALL day, I ended my night by going to Pittsburgh with ladies from my church. An amazing group of people. I love them all so dearly, they're awesome!! We went to the Consol Energy Center to see Joel Osteen. He was incredible. I've seen him on television but I've never actually watched him. I regret that so much! I will definitely be watching him on Sunday mornings from now on. He had me in tears when he was talking about his father passing away and then he shared a touching story of 9/11 that just sent chills up and down my spine. He really said what I needed to hear. And I thank God for that.

With this, I will just keep on keeping my faith and hope that things continue to brighten up!!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Overflow

OHMYGOSH! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!
I was going through all of my old ringtones and I stumbled across "Cry on my Shoulder" by Overflow. I immediatly thought "I haven't heard this song in well over a year!!!! WHY?!?!?!" Sorry, I'm just really happy about this. So, I went into my iTunes and it wasn't in there. Guess who just illegally downloaded a Christian Worship song. (Should I post this on my blog? *Whispers* I could go to jail!)

Anyways...this song helped me through one of the hardest times in my life and I just want to thank my best friend for introducing me to it! Girl, you rock!!! ♥



Saturday, June 25, 2011

TWLOHA

This is just a mini rant but I feel that it needs to be said. It involves the two following things: Hot Topic and TWLOHA.

I remember back in the day or like three years ago when Hot Topic was a cool place to shop. I could easily find tons of shirts from my favorite bands, like "The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus" or "Boys Like Girls"...whoever. Now whenever I walk in, all you see is "Wiz Khalifa" and "Lil' Wayne." Let's not forget, Justin Bieber. Now, don't get me wrong here, I love Wiz, he's from Pittsburgh but I hate how Hot Topic has conformed and went mainstream. It's just not a cool place to shop anymore.

I won't lie about this anymore. I suffered from self-injury, suicidial thoughts and depression. But that's not what this blog is about and quite frankly if I went into detail, you'd be reading for awhile. Back to my first thought, ever since then, I've supported TWLOHA to the fullest. I think that it's a great organization and what they stand for is amazing. I have one shirt and two bracelets but I've been trying to get more. The last two trips that I've made into Hot Topic, they didn't have any TWLOHA shirts. I honestly don't think it's because they were "sold out", I just think that they weren't a top seller or a "hot item" so they aren't carrying them in-stores. Crap. Total crap. If this is the case and I could be wrong but they need to stop focusing on all of this mainstream crap and focus on what's important here. LOVE. CHANGE. POSSIBILITIES. LIFE.

That's all. Oh, and don't forget: Love is the movement. :).

(I just thought you should know that this picture is from 2009!)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Revolution

My best friend Mikael and I have been going to a Youth Group in Lowellville, Ohio called "Revolution." I love the people there dearly, they're so sweet. :). The facility is beyond incredible and they have a fantastic youth program. Their worship band starts things off and that's always fun! Allison is the lead singer and everytime she performs, it moves me. Her passion is just indescribable. I love it!

Tonight instead of Pastor Ortiz giving the sermon, Senior Chris Poullas did! I loved every word he said but it really got me thinking. I've been too caught up in my summer that I've failed to put God first. That has got to change. That isn't who I am or who I want to be. Faith comes first. I need to set time aside to be alone in my thoughts and prayers with God. Nothing else. No distractions. Just us. And I'm going to do just that. But prayer isn't the only thing that I'm going to change. I'm going to be less judgemental and more caring. I want to make a change for not just my life but for those around me. I want to be that change.

So, like Allison told me, "My heart is to see everyone get closer to God and I think worship is the fastest way to Him!" Which leaves me with these two words: Hawk Nelson.

Shaken
"These hands are dedicated to change."
"Lord use me, take me where You want me to go."

From Underneath
"I'm reaching out to take my Father's hand."

Friend Like That
I'm dedicating this to all of my friends! I love you guys. :). You're always there for me when I need you and I hope that I can return the love. Thanks for everything! ♥

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

MHS

High school is over.
Today I went to school so excited and now all I want to do is cry.
:'(

I'm scared to move on and leave all of my friends and teachers behind.